God has absolutely been smacking me over the head lately with how selfish i am, and let me tell you, it's been a hard reality to face.  i am a naturally selfish person.  you know how there are some people that just seem to have something built into them that makes them go out of their way to be there for others and help in whatever way they can?  that is not me.

on Sunday night, at our Young Life small group, we talked about where we want to be in terms of our relationships with friends, family and God by the end of summer, and by the time we graduate high school/college  have children (they based it on the former, while i set the latter condition for myself).  the number one theme that presented itself during this time was the fact that i have been strongly convicted to learn to die to myself and my selfish desires.  i began thinking about how i don't want to rely on motherhood to make me a selfless person someday, as i think it could hold the possibility of breeding resentment for having to give up those desires for my children.  i want to learn to die to those selfish desires out of reverence to God, in order to be a better servant.

after determining where we want to be, we thought more about how to get there.  this is my solution: operation selfless, a series of 30-day challenges geared toward pushing me outside of this comfortable "me" bubble i've been chillin' in.

lucky for hubs, the first challenge that i felt was placed on my heart was to cook a homemade meal for 30 days.  there have been so many nights that i think, "i'm tired and i've worked hard.  i'm entitled to a break.  Eric can surely fend for himself."  with my eyes on the Lord, i am choosing to see cooking for my husband as an opportunity to serve the Lord and show Eric Christ's love through an act that he is incredibly appreciative of.  whoever originally said "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" was absolutely right.

i will be blogging about this process, although i have plans to show myself grace if i don't blog every day.  i also want to make this fun and still be able to use this as a creative outlet, so along with meals, i still plan to feature fashion, crafting, the pups and other things i love.

You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  Galatians 5:13

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Philippians 2:3

right...like you haven't noticed.  i've been changing taglines around here about as much as i change my undies (which is daily, by the way, in case there was any question as to the state of my hygiene).

over the past few weeks, i've really been struggling to figure out what my blog identity is.  i've been feeling a bit scattered and completely unorganized.  when i read blogs, they tend to have a central focus, whether it be mommyhood, fashion, cooking, crafting, home decor, etc.  you get the picture.  i see communities formed around these central focuses (focusi?).  so i started thinking...hard.  what voice do i want to have as a blogger?  which of these groups do i most identify with?

after much thought and careful consideration, i came to this conclusion:  poo on one theme.

i discovered the issue behind this dilemma of mine wasn't me wanting focus or more organization.  it was me trying to find an audience to impress.  my epiphany came last night while reading Forgotten God, by Francis Chan, in which he shared this quote from A.W. Tozer:  "...we have imitated the world, sought popular favor, manufactured delights to substitute for the joy of the Lord and produced a cheap and synthetic power to substitute for the power of the Holy Ghost."

so i'm going to forget about impressing anyone in the blog world.  because really, at the end of this life, it doesn't matter how many followers your blog has.  instead, i'm going to continue blogging simply whatever is inspiring me each day.  that may present itself in the form of frugal fashion, crafting, new decor ideas, my marriage, my puppies, or any other number of things.  whatever my inspiration my be, it is my hope that far more than anything else, my love for Christ would shine through.

please don't read this as me not caring about anyone that does follow me.  i think you guys are awesome, and i really value the fellowship that i've found through blogging.  but if i don't gain another follower, i'll be okay.


and now, as if this hasn't all been long and random enough, i had a plan to share my outfit for the day.  i wouldn't want the pictures that eric slaved over to go to waste.  so without further ado:

exhibit A for why i shouldn't be a fashion blogger

hi, my name is lauren, and i'm a cheater.

i know that it's supposed to be steppin' out saturday, but let me just tell you that a greasy ponytail and grubby clothes aren't really a good look on me, and tales of cleaning toilets and folding clothes might not make for the most exciting post i've ever written.

so, steppin' out sunday it is, then.

sweater:  banana republic, gift from my ma
dress:  LOFT ($10!)
leggings:  h&m
boots:  jc penney
belt:  thrifted, salvation army
pom/poof:  me

we go to church in eric's hometown, about a half hour drive from our house in fort wayne.  about a mile away from the church, there is an antique mall that i've been dying to go to for as long as i've known it's there, but for some reason, we've just never gone.  well, we finally made a stop there today after church, and let me tell you, it didn't disappoint.


everything was so beautiful and organized.  all of the above pictures are from two booths, which i absolutely fell in love with.  i have a plan to purchase the drawer from the top right corner to hang on our living room wall, and add three old mason jars filled with billy balls.  i also found a small dresser, which is the whole reason we went, for only $20.  it looks pretty worn, but it's solid wood and nothing that a coat of paint can't fix.  i am in desperate need of some craft organization, y'all.

then it was back to eric's parent's house for dinner, which is something we do every week.  we always take the puppies down and drop them off in the "stable" while we go to church.  then, while we eat dinner, they get to run around outside in the woods until their little (or massive, in titan's case) hearts are content.

this is the part of my sunday that truly makes it feel like a day of rest.  the in-laws property is so peaceful.  my wonderful mother-in-law fills our bellies with delicious, warm food, and i find comfort in a mug of freshly-ground coffee and the company of family.



i have been finding more and more value in a Sabbath day lately.  i didn't have an opportunity for any rest last week, and the only word that i can manage to come up with for the way it affected my whole week is that i felt weary.  i understand why we are commanded to rest.  i've also come to understand that rest doesn't equate to laziness.  i find my rest even when we are away from home on these sundays.  i find my rest in family, in some solitude, and most importantly, in Christ.

Exodus 34:21 Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day you shall rest.


how do you recharge?

dear Jesus,

happy birthday.  i know the actual day has passed, but there is nothing wrong with extended celebration of this event.

the most amazing part of Christmas for me is being able to celebrate as a part of your Kingdom.  i realize more and more every year that while receiving gifts is nice, and giving gifts is even nicer, my true happiness and holiday joy comes from having an opportunity to find some rest in you and celebrate the miracle of your birth.

thank you so much for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of the Christmas eve service at my family's church.  it truly was a celebration in every sense of the word.  i know i got a little choked up when the children's choir was singing, and that may have been a little goofy, since it wasn't really what the world would deem a tear-worthy moment.  i was just so overwhelmed when all of their little hands lifted to you and they sang with every ounce of gusto they had. 

when is it along the way that we lose our child-like faith?  i'm not sure when it was for me, but in that moment, i knew that i want to live like that in my daily life.  "Lord, i surrender all i have to you and i love you without condition."  i want this to be my daily affirmation to you; a mantra, if you will.  so when we sang Jesus Saves, by Travis Cottrell, i gave it all i had.  i stood up, raised my arms to you and sang with total abandon. 

i have never felt your presence more.  this was your affirmation to me that, "yes, lauren, if you live with a child-like faith, i promise to reward you; not necessarily with material gifts (although we did get a lot of those too), but with more love and peace than you can imagine."

thank you for the greatest gift anyone could ever know, given to me on your birthday. 

i love you with all that i have and all that i am.

your daughter,
lauren


Jesus Saves - Travis Cottrell

Hear the heart of heaven beating
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
And the hush of mercy breathing
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Hear the host of angels sing
"Glory to the newborn King"
And the sounding joy repeating
Jesus saves

See the humblest hearts adore Him
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
And the wisest bow before Him
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
See the sky alive with praise
Melting darkness in its blaze
There is light forevermore
Jesus saves

He will live, our sorrow sharing
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
He will die our burden bearing
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
"It is done!" will shout the cross
Christ has paid redemption's cost
While the empty tomb declaring
Jesus saves

Freedom's calling
Chains are falling
Hope is dawning
Bright and true
Day is breaking
Night is quaking
God is making all things new
Jesus saves

Oh, to Christ, how great a debtor
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Are the saints who shouts together
Jesus saves, Jesus saves
Rising up so fast and strong
Lifting up salvation's song
The redeemed will sing forever
Jesus saves