the final countdown

i know i still have 11 weeks and 4 days to go, but i'm beginning to feel like i'm in the home stretch of this pregnancy.  coming into my final trimester this week has had wonderful effects on my outlook, but now i've done a 180 and am at the point where my thoughts are consumed by, "holy moly, we only have 9 weeks until i'm full term and we still don't have a crib or a babysitter or a pediatrician and omgoshourhouseisamessandthere'ssomuchtodoandsolittletime!!!"  yes, that's how jumbled it all feels.  on top of that, my goodness, where has the time gone for documenting this pregnancy?  i've been so lousy.  so here are the highlights of the past trimester of my pregnancy:

18 weeks:  i felt the baby move in a way that couldn't be confused with gas.  i was in a cpr training and every time i leaned over to give my mannequin rescue breaths, it would give me a swift kick right behind the belly button.  i giggled a few times, mostly over its inconvenient timing in making itself known, but also just out of joy that i could finally feel some kind of reassurance that this baby is full of life and such a big part of me.

19 weeks:  i followed the advice of friends in guzzling orange juice before going in for my ultrasound to make the baby move so we could see its parts.  immediately upon laying down, i announced to the ultrasound tech, unprompted, "we want to know what it is!"  i felt my stomach twist in knots when she announced, after 15 minutes of picture taking, that the baby might be moving too much to get a good look.  i watched it doing flips in me on the screen before calming down enough for us to hear from the tech that she was "leaning girl."  i. was. stunned.  i was absolutely sure this child was a boy.  i had daydreamed the entire nursery and my mom and i had just picked out a boy outfit the week before.  was i disappointed?  absolutely not.  i cried, elated to know more about the identity of our child, able to finally call it "she" instead of "it."  i immediately began daydreaming less about boy things and more about the relationship potential between a mother and daughter.  eric and i walked out of the hospital, hand in hand, grinning from ear to ear.

22 weeks:  i made the decision to switch my care to that of a midwife.  it was something that i had been exploring throughout my pregnancy, but after my 20 week appointment, i knew for sure that i wanted something more intimate than the doctor experience.  i set up a consult with the only midwife our insurance covers and through answered prayers, she turned out to be everything i was hoping for.  she told me that i will be able to call the shots during labor, deciding for myself how active to be, what position to deliver in, and intervention will not be pushed at all.  in fact, most of her patients don't receive any intervention and her c-section rate is extremely low.  i feel now like i will have the best of both worlds, with the security of delivering at a hospital, but also with the empowerment of being able to decide what the experience will look like for us.

23 weeks:  i got to see baby girl move from the outside for the first time.  i was sitting in the dentist's chair waiting for novocaine to kick in so i could get a filling.  i'm telling you, the timing of this girl just shows me how little i am in control and serves as a wonderful reminder that i don't have to be; that no matter what my plan is, God's plan will always reign.

24 weeks:  holy moly, where did this belly come from??  i had a little boy at the Y point at my belly and without reservation, proclaim, "whoa!  your belly is so much bigger!"  somebody give this kid a prize, because my midwife agreed.  in a four week period, my uterus stretched and grew about eight weeks' worth.  after an ultrasound to confirm no extra fluid, i walked out feeling rather large and in charge and resolving to eat a little less chocolate (not that i've actually followed through).

it was during this week that i also experienced my first real emotional breakdown...sobbing in the walmart produce section...over a messed up picture order.  eric calmed me down in time to get in the car, where i ran over a cat, and the whole breakdown started over again.

27 weeks:  eric left for a week to go on spring break, as a leader, with campus life.  it was during this week that i realized just how much this man has done for me throughout this pregnancy.  he has been my rock.  he has taken on more responsibility around the house, is so patient and understanding when dinner doesn't happen and naps take precedence over household chores, and is always willing to give a backrub.  i love this man...and i missed him desperately.

and now, at 28 weeks:  i am beginning to feel uncomfortable.  good sleep is now a thing of the past, my back is constantly aching, i have to pee about 25 times a day and about 3 times at night, i no longer have any kind of aerobic capacity, and my thighs seem to have doubled in size.  but as crazy as it sounds, i will miss this.  there are days that i complain, but i love that i regularly have to make the choice to surrender my body to this amazing miracle.  when i can choose to let go of my desire to be in control, what i'm left with is the perfect little girl that i get to hang out with all day long and connect with in a way that nobody else can.  and that is an amazing blessing.

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 1, 2012 and is filed under ,,,. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

3 Responses to “the final countdown”

  1. I am so happy for you, I laughed out loud at your ultrasound story and your unfortunate breakdown in Walmart. Ohh pregnancy, I can't wait for my own experience. Thanks for sharing Lauren!

  2. Aw Momma you look great! You will most certainly miss it but I cannot even describe how much better it gets :)

  3. So neat that you're choosing to use a midwife! After doing research, I've come to the similar conclusion about the benefits. Keep us posted on your journey with her!