i know i still have 11 weeks and 4 days to go, but i'm beginning to feel like i'm in the home stretch of this pregnancy.  coming into my final trimester this week has had wonderful effects on my outlook, but now i've done a 180 and am at the point where my thoughts are consumed by, "holy moly, we only have 9 weeks until i'm full term and we still don't have a crib or a babysitter or a pediatrician and omgoshourhouseisamessandthere'ssomuchtodoandsolittletime!!!"  yes, that's how jumbled it all feels.  on top of that, my goodness, where has the time gone for documenting this pregnancy?  i've been so lousy.  so here are the highlights of the past trimester of my pregnancy:

18 weeks:  i felt the baby move in a way that couldn't be confused with gas.  i was in a cpr training and every time i leaned over to give my mannequin rescue breaths, it would give me a swift kick right behind the belly button.  i giggled a few times, mostly over its inconvenient timing in making itself known, but also just out of joy that i could finally feel some kind of reassurance that this baby is full of life and such a big part of me.

19 weeks:  i followed the advice of friends in guzzling orange juice before going in for my ultrasound to make the baby move so we could see its parts.  immediately upon laying down, i announced to the ultrasound tech, unprompted, "we want to know what it is!"  i felt my stomach twist in knots when she announced, after 15 minutes of picture taking, that the baby might be moving too much to get a good look.  i watched it doing flips in me on the screen before calming down enough for us to hear from the tech that she was "leaning girl."  i. was. stunned.  i was absolutely sure this child was a boy.  i had daydreamed the entire nursery and my mom and i had just picked out a boy outfit the week before.  was i disappointed?  absolutely not.  i cried, elated to know more about the identity of our child, able to finally call it "she" instead of "it."  i immediately began daydreaming less about boy things and more about the relationship potential between a mother and daughter.  eric and i walked out of the hospital, hand in hand, grinning from ear to ear.

22 weeks:  i made the decision to switch my care to that of a midwife.  it was something that i had been exploring throughout my pregnancy, but after my 20 week appointment, i knew for sure that i wanted something more intimate than the doctor experience.  i set up a consult with the only midwife our insurance covers and through answered prayers, she turned out to be everything i was hoping for.  she told me that i will be able to call the shots during labor, deciding for myself how active to be, what position to deliver in, and intervention will not be pushed at all.  in fact, most of her patients don't receive any intervention and her c-section rate is extremely low.  i feel now like i will have the best of both worlds, with the security of delivering at a hospital, but also with the empowerment of being able to decide what the experience will look like for us.

23 weeks:  i got to see baby girl move from the outside for the first time.  i was sitting in the dentist's chair waiting for novocaine to kick in so i could get a filling.  i'm telling you, the timing of this girl just shows me how little i am in control and serves as a wonderful reminder that i don't have to be; that no matter what my plan is, God's plan will always reign.

24 weeks:  holy moly, where did this belly come from??  i had a little boy at the Y point at my belly and without reservation, proclaim, "whoa!  your belly is so much bigger!"  somebody give this kid a prize, because my midwife agreed.  in a four week period, my uterus stretched and grew about eight weeks' worth.  after an ultrasound to confirm no extra fluid, i walked out feeling rather large and in charge and resolving to eat a little less chocolate (not that i've actually followed through).

it was during this week that i also experienced my first real emotional breakdown...sobbing in the walmart produce section...over a messed up picture order.  eric calmed me down in time to get in the car, where i ran over a cat, and the whole breakdown started over again.

27 weeks:  eric left for a week to go on spring break, as a leader, with campus life.  it was during this week that i realized just how much this man has done for me throughout this pregnancy.  he has been my rock.  he has taken on more responsibility around the house, is so patient and understanding when dinner doesn't happen and naps take precedence over household chores, and is always willing to give a backrub.  i love this man...and i missed him desperately.

and now, at 28 weeks:  i am beginning to feel uncomfortable.  good sleep is now a thing of the past, my back is constantly aching, i have to pee about 25 times a day and about 3 times at night, i no longer have any kind of aerobic capacity, and my thighs seem to have doubled in size.  but as crazy as it sounds, i will miss this.  there are days that i complain, but i love that i regularly have to make the choice to surrender my body to this amazing miracle.  when i can choose to let go of my desire to be in control, what i'm left with is the perfect little girl that i get to hang out with all day long and connect with in a way that nobody else can.  and that is an amazing blessing.

Week 15 in review:

Baby's size:  apple (4 inches, 2 1/2 ounces)

Mommy's size:  still feeling about the same as week 10.  I was really nervous when I popped so soon, with this being my first child.  Call it gas or water weight from the 150+ ounces of water I was drinking per day at the time, because growth has slowed way down since then.

Biggest cravings:  lemons and popsicles.  Yes, that's correct - my mother-in-law gave me a lemon to eat when I started to feel a cold coming on, and since then, they sound good all the time.

Gender prediction:  if the ultrasound technician tells me that this baby is a girl, I will hit the floor.  I just have this gut feeling that it's my little man in there - so much so that I've taken to calling it "him" and daydreaming constantly of plans for a boy's nursery.  Eric, on the other hand, thinks it's a girl.  I'm pretty sure he only says that to be difficult and because of the sweet satisfaction we receive from competing with each other.  Either way, we're still working out baby names for both sides - just in case.

Best mommy moment:  being told by my mother-in-law on Christmas that she's confident Eric and I will make great parents.  It was the first time in this pregnancy that someone has told me I'll be a good mom, and it tasted so sweet.  With my love language being words of affirmation, it means a lot to me to have something so meaningful spoken out loud.  I may have cried when I mentioned it to my husband.

What I'm loving about being pregnant:  wearing pants with an elastic waistband.  I'm also loving my new-found second trimester energy.  Christmas Eve and Christmas day I felt like I could go forever.  Go figure, the one year I don't fall asleep at the 10:00 Christmas Eve service is the one year I actually have an excuse to.

Of all the things I love about being pregnant, the one that takes the cake is watching Eric become a daddy.  I've heard time and time again that women are mothers from the time they learn they're pregnant, but that men don't tend to become fathers until they meet their child.  Totally false with this man - he isn't shy about doling out the belly kisses and talking to the baby.  For someone who's never been around babies and started off petrified of the idea of having kids, someone is wearing his daddy shoes awfully well.

What I'm not loving about being pregnant:  only being able to wear pants with an elastic waistband.

Challenge for the week ahead:  finding a new healthcare provider.  I'm in the process of trying to find a CNM to handle the rest of my pregnancy, because my current doctor isn't cutting the mustard.  I want someone that will go to bat for me and actually knows my name.  My insurance covers one CNM in our area, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she's the one.

Overall emotion:  love, love, love.  I'm overwhelmed with love for someone I've never met.

God has absolutely been smacking me over the head lately with how selfish i am, and let me tell you, it's been a hard reality to face.  i am a naturally selfish person.  you know how there are some people that just seem to have something built into them that makes them go out of their way to be there for others and help in whatever way they can?  that is not me.

on Sunday night, at our Young Life small group, we talked about where we want to be in terms of our relationships with friends, family and God by the end of summer, and by the time we graduate high school/college  have children (they based it on the former, while i set the latter condition for myself).  the number one theme that presented itself during this time was the fact that i have been strongly convicted to learn to die to myself and my selfish desires.  i began thinking about how i don't want to rely on motherhood to make me a selfless person someday, as i think it could hold the possibility of breeding resentment for having to give up those desires for my children.  i want to learn to die to those selfish desires out of reverence to God, in order to be a better servant.

after determining where we want to be, we thought more about how to get there.  this is my solution: operation selfless, a series of 30-day challenges geared toward pushing me outside of this comfortable "me" bubble i've been chillin' in.

lucky for hubs, the first challenge that i felt was placed on my heart was to cook a homemade meal for 30 days.  there have been so many nights that i think, "i'm tired and i've worked hard.  i'm entitled to a break.  Eric can surely fend for himself."  with my eyes on the Lord, i am choosing to see cooking for my husband as an opportunity to serve the Lord and show Eric Christ's love through an act that he is incredibly appreciative of.  whoever originally said "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" was absolutely right.

i will be blogging about this process, although i have plans to show myself grace if i don't blog every day.  i also want to make this fun and still be able to use this as a creative outlet, so along with meals, i still plan to feature fashion, crafting, the pups and other things i love.

You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  Galatians 5:13

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Philippians 2:3

shirt: LOFT cardigan: Old Navy jacket: H&M jeans: LOFT boots: JC Penney headband: Steve & Barry's (RIP) belt: thrifted

i'm 100% convinced that i have the most handsome husband in the whole world

my mood lately has been northing short of outstanding.  spring is the greatest thing since sliced bread.  come to think of it, it's better than carbs altogether.  and that's really saying something, because carbs are my best friend (or worst enemy, depending on which part of my body you ask).  there's nothing more satisfying than seeing the first signs of new life.  especially when those signs are found at the gorgeous home of my in-laws.  Eric and i got to enjoy some outside time today with the dogs before we went inside to eat dinner, at which point they roamed the property, finding dead things to eat and roll in.  Lily and Titan have asked me to emphasize to all of you that Grandma and Grandpa's house is the best place in the whole wide world.

in completely unrelated news, on Thursday, i met the husband of one of our group exercise instructors, and she introduced me as her boss.  this is still nothing short of bizarre for me.  me...i'm the boss?  obviously these people have never seen me dance around my house.  does this new sense of responsibility mean i have to stop eating Frosted Flakes, playing Lego Harry Potter and watching Teen Mom?

it's time for a little game i just made up called, "guess lauren and eric's age?"

this weekend, eric and i packed up the pooches and headed to ohio to visit my family for the weekend (hence the lack of posting).

the trip back was such a relaxing time for me to just be able to enjoy the company of my husband.  it consisted of the following:

1.  eric's old-man cardigan with suede patches on the shoulders and elbows, which i happen to love on him.

2.  me knitting.  eric chuckled when he asked me what i was making and i responded, "what do you think i'm making?  i only know squares and rectangles."  but you know what?  i make squares and rectangles like a champ.

3.  listening to garrison keillor's a prairie home companion on NPR.
























...and i totally understand and won't be offended at all if you guess 65.

exhibit A for why i shouldn't be a fashion blogger

hi, my name is lauren, and i'm a cheater.

i know that it's supposed to be steppin' out saturday, but let me just tell you that a greasy ponytail and grubby clothes aren't really a good look on me, and tales of cleaning toilets and folding clothes might not make for the most exciting post i've ever written.

so, steppin' out sunday it is, then.

sweater:  banana republic, gift from my ma
dress:  LOFT ($10!)
leggings:  h&m
boots:  jc penney
belt:  thrifted, salvation army
pom/poof:  me

we go to church in eric's hometown, about a half hour drive from our house in fort wayne.  about a mile away from the church, there is an antique mall that i've been dying to go to for as long as i've known it's there, but for some reason, we've just never gone.  well, we finally made a stop there today after church, and let me tell you, it didn't disappoint.


everything was so beautiful and organized.  all of the above pictures are from two booths, which i absolutely fell in love with.  i have a plan to purchase the drawer from the top right corner to hang on our living room wall, and add three old mason jars filled with billy balls.  i also found a small dresser, which is the whole reason we went, for only $20.  it looks pretty worn, but it's solid wood and nothing that a coat of paint can't fix.  i am in desperate need of some craft organization, y'all.

then it was back to eric's parent's house for dinner, which is something we do every week.  we always take the puppies down and drop them off in the "stable" while we go to church.  then, while we eat dinner, they get to run around outside in the woods until their little (or massive, in titan's case) hearts are content.

this is the part of my sunday that truly makes it feel like a day of rest.  the in-laws property is so peaceful.  my wonderful mother-in-law fills our bellies with delicious, warm food, and i find comfort in a mug of freshly-ground coffee and the company of family.



i have been finding more and more value in a Sabbath day lately.  i didn't have an opportunity for any rest last week, and the only word that i can manage to come up with for the way it affected my whole week is that i felt weary.  i understand why we are commanded to rest.  i've also come to understand that rest doesn't equate to laziness.  i find my rest even when we are away from home on these sundays.  i find my rest in family, in some solitude, and most importantly, in Christ.

Exodus 34:21 Six days you shall work, but on the seventh day you shall rest.


how do you recharge?

okay, i swear i'm back.  this week has been all kinds of ridiculous with my blasé attitude toward just about everything.  i don't know what my funk has been, but i think i've been pulled out of it by a simple walk with my hubs and our pups.

every winter, i go through this phase where i forget how much i need the outdoors.  it's easy to desire the warmth and comfort of the indoors, curling up under a blanket to watch sweet november.  so when eric called me on his way home tonight to ask me to get ready to take the dogs for a walk with him, i was resistant.  really?  do we have to?  can't we just let them run around in the backyard?  eric persisted.  so i bundled up and we headed out, each of us with our respective dogs in tow, cookies stocked in our pockets for positive reinforcement, and me with my camera.

i breathed in the cold, crisp air, felt the slight sting of it on my face.  i walked side-by-side with my husband, the love of my life, with the snow crunching under my boots, the dogs tangling themselves up in each other's leashes, and embraced it all.  whereas the hustle and bustle of the rest of this week has left me thinking, "this is my life," this walk allowed me an opportunity to get away from it all, slow down, and put things in perspective.  "this is my life."  how incredibly blessed i am.

i was feeling quite studious today, so this is me...exercising my brain.  (please don't let them ask me what book that is)

just perusing the bookshelves for a good find.  maybe i should revisit ACSM's guidelines for fitness testing and prescription, you know, brush up on the old college bank of knowledge

i really need a pair of glasses.  dang you 20/20 vision.

this picture is actually very deceptive.  it doesn't even come close to doing the height difference justice.  at the beginning of each year, we meet up with my mother-in-law's side of the family at pokagon state park in angola, indiana.  this was my third year, and every year that i've been part of this tradition, at least one person will approach the family and ask if they are a sports team or point out how extraordinarily tall they are.  i love this family, but when we leave them, my neck breathes a sigh of relief.  if you would like a better glimpse into the lives of the tall women in this family, you should visit my wonderful sister-in-law's blog.

where was i?  oh, yes, poof love.  i had some free time tonight and decided to make myself a little something pretty.  introducing my newest poof:

don't mind the robe.  comfort is a prerequisite to a creative crafting mind and nimble fingers.  this isn't made up, it's a scientific fact.

wow, that was random and altogether unorganized.  thank goodness tomorrow is friday, y'all.

seriously.

that's right, my buckeyes won last night.  it only took ten tries to beat an SEC team in a bowl game, and the fourth quarter left me with nubs for fingernails, but they did it.  the fact that they won made staying up until 12:30 so worth it.  in fact, they probably won because i stayed up to cheer them on.  yah, let's go with that.

today's outfit was my attempt at a subtle celebration, but eric informed me there was nothing subtle about my color choices.  here's the take-away, kids:


in other news, i found out some amazing news today that led me to call eric immediately to share with him.  i really thought he would be more excited, but as it turns out, he's a big fuddy-duddy.  so hopefully someone here will get excited with me.  today, on my way to work, i passed an empty store that used to house big lots, but it went out almost a year ago.  today there was a sign posted with the new resident...

...gosh, i hate to say it, but i really think most people will be let down by this build-up.  we are getting a salvation army about two minutes from our house.  and it's going to be huge!  this is big news. big.  one more store in which to find fun, thrifted treasures.  and, hi, i can go on a whim.

good day.

does fashion blogging mean you have to post your outfit even if you're not so sure anymore that you really like it, or if it's not as flattering as you thought it was when you looked in the mirror, or if your hair won't do anything today?

i thought so.  crap.

isn't it pretty?  watch out world, louann and i are sticking together from now on.  the best part?  i can fit enough of my other crap essentials inside of it that it'll suffice as my only bag/purse.  thanks hubs!

now, if only i had time to actually learn to use my camera.

details.

the tree came down today, and the last of the presents found a proper home.

christmas lists have been traded in for new year's resolutions.

today is a time for reflection, and tomorrow is a time for new beginning.

there is something absolutely magical about this day, and my day truly summed up my 2010 experience.  i started it off with breakfast in bed.  the hubs made me eggs, toast and coffee (swoon).  the love that i have experienced from him this year has been more than i could have ever hoped for from someone.  wedding events and honeymooning were wonderful to us in 2009, but 2010 was the year that really solidified this whole marriage thing for us.  we finally met some days that tested us, which was a new experience as everything prior to that had been roses.  but you know what?  we still haven't had a real fight.  i think that speaks volumes of our communication and willingness to swallow our pride.  but even more than that, i think it speaks so highly of the ways that God works when you allow him to take the reigns.

today was also mind-boggling crazy.  there was a huge to-do list and not everything ended up getting checked off.  i have felt so often this year that i just fill and fill my time.  i started my first full-time job at the end of last year, so this is still fairly new to me.  on top of that, i have begun to go deeper with my leadership in young life, spending more time with girls outside of our weekly club meetings, and also taking on a small group on sunday nights.  i trained for three races this year, and as if all of this wasn't enough, got a new puppy and started a blog.  somehow it all just works, although nothing seems to ever get crossed off the to-do list, at least as far as my house is concerned.

2010 has really been a year of discovering myself.  i have explored my passions, my heart and my faith.  i have been tested in ways that i would have never imagined were possible and discovered both creativity and strength that i never knew i had.  heading into 2011, the sky is the limit.  my new year's resolution for 2010?  to run at least a half marathon.  what i accomplished?  two half marathons and a full marathon in which i raised $2900 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  take that, 2010.

watch out 2011, because i'm about to blow your mind.  especially with these three in my life.  as long as i've got their love, nothing can hold me back:

that's right.  i was spoiled for Christmas.  on top of numerous other things, the hubs, my in-laws and my bonus check all pitched in to get me what i've been patiently awaiting for a long, long time.



meet my Pentax K-x.  she obviously needs a name, and i haven't come up with one yet, but i am now accepting suggestions.  my initial thought is louann.



the hubs, doing what he does best (call of duty).

 


i can't believe how good our 5-month-old puppy is with our friends' baby, emmett.  at one point, titan snuggled up to the little guy and laid his head in his lap.



eric was making him laugh.  precious.





it's painfully obvious how much these two love each other.

 there is no better way to end a monday than with good friends and family in our happy little home.


friday night was my office's christmas party.  can i just be the first to say...the hubs?  he was smokin' hot.

i truly apologize for the quality of this picture.  it's atrocious.   atrocious.

i know, i know, i've been seriously slacking this week.  but i'm pulling double-duty today to make up for it, including a tutorial for a floral headband.  just a little teaser to start your day off right.

our little photo session on saturday went well...cold, but well.  i haven't gotten all of the pictures back yet, but this one is the clear frontrunner for our christmas cards, which i still haven't ordered.  you say christmas is next week?  well, poop.

last night was our sunday school christmas party and, yup, you guessed, it was tacky-christmas-sweater themed.  our sunday school class is filled with an amazing group of people and i love them all.  we always have such a great time when we get together.

this might be one for the christmas cards...

check out the intense blame-game going on here.  this game isn't for the meek.

there was also a white elephant exchange.  wifey managed to be the hero and seal the best prize for her hubs.  was it the functioning bread maker?  nah.  was it that statue of a basketball-playing santa?  nah.  there's only one prize eric had his eye on, and who could blame him?

ohhhh yeahhhhh.

i continue to learn the joys of being a blogger on a daily basis.  the newest one?  free stuff.  shutterfly is currently offering 50 free holiday cards to bloggers.  all you have to do is blog about your favorite holiday cards from their collection.  i knew there was a reason i've been putting off ordering cards.

this isn't even a chore.  i love shutterfly.  i used their site to create amazing photo books for our parents as a wedding gift.  my cousin falynne has also created photo books and collages of the adorable owen (remember him?)  do you have family that you're looking for a personal gift for?  if so, make sure you check out all of shutterfly's photo gifts here.  they have such a wide variety of quality products; there's really something for everyone. 

initially, all of the cards have such a visual appeal that it's hard to narrow down the field.  i mean, seriously, take a peek for yourself.  however, i am adamant about the fact that my christmas cards must say merry christmas.  no happy holidays, no peace & love; Christ is the reason for the season and he has to be present in my well-wishes for others.  so that helped somewhat.  eventually, i came up with my top three:

yes, i know it's tuesday.  but i lost almost an entire day yesterday, and i'd like to reclaim a piece of that now.

yesterday, i woke up and got in the shower, only to be sucker-punched with dizziness and nausea.  i've already gotten the question several times, "are you pregnant?"  let's just dispel any rumors right here and now.  i'm fairly certain i'm not.  not that i would be upset by any means if i was.  but i digress.

so i called off work, watched a little of the today show before taking a massive nap, and then proceeded to watch about 7 episodes of friday night lights on netflix.  serious waste of space.

luckily, today i felt well enough to go to work, go shopping after, and then come home and make us a wonderful vegetarian meal.  the whole idea behind meatless monday is that cutting meat out of your diet one day per week can have significant health benefits, as well as reducing your caloric intake.

this is where it sounds really lame for me to say that we followed up our healthy dinner with peach crisp.  someone please revoke my apron and sugar jar, because i have a serious problem.

without further ado, i present to you egyptian edamame stew:

recipe can be found on my favorite cooking site ever:  eating well

if there is anything my husband hates, it's shopping.  the second we walk into a store, by the look on his face, you would think someone just told him his puppy died.  so when he suggested we go christmas shopping together earlier this week, initially my jaw dropped.  then i got excited.  and then i became skeptical.

i have to admit, he rocked today.  the dead puppy face made minimal appearances, even after six hours of shopping.  we managed to finish up both of my brothers, one of his sisters, his mom, his grandma, and all three of the kids we picked off of the angel tree at church.  i also found a dress for my work christmas party next weekend and snuck in a purchase for eric while he wasn't looking.  all-in-all, a pretty successful shopping day.

i don't know if he would have made it without the stop we made at the food court to eat at panda express.  the man loves panda.

after shopping, we changed into our jams and watched "the muppet christmas movie" while we finished decorating our tree.  it's so much fun pulling all of the ornaments out of storage.  every year for christmas, my grandma gives all 14 grandchildren (16 now with spouses) an ornament.  how she has always managed to keep track of what we all like amazes me.  for 8 years, my theme was "i love lucy":

i realize my love for this woman may be bordering on unhealthy.