God has absolutely been smacking me over the head lately with how selfish i am, and let me tell you, it's been a hard reality to face.  i am a naturally selfish person.  you know how there are some people that just seem to have something built into them that makes them go out of their way to be there for others and help in whatever way they can?  that is not me.

on Sunday night, at our Young Life small group, we talked about where we want to be in terms of our relationships with friends, family and God by the end of summer, and by the time we graduate high school/college  have children (they based it on the former, while i set the latter condition for myself).  the number one theme that presented itself during this time was the fact that i have been strongly convicted to learn to die to myself and my selfish desires.  i began thinking about how i don't want to rely on motherhood to make me a selfless person someday, as i think it could hold the possibility of breeding resentment for having to give up those desires for my children.  i want to learn to die to those selfish desires out of reverence to God, in order to be a better servant.

after determining where we want to be, we thought more about how to get there.  this is my solution: operation selfless, a series of 30-day challenges geared toward pushing me outside of this comfortable "me" bubble i've been chillin' in.

lucky for hubs, the first challenge that i felt was placed on my heart was to cook a homemade meal for 30 days.  there have been so many nights that i think, "i'm tired and i've worked hard.  i'm entitled to a break.  Eric can surely fend for himself."  with my eyes on the Lord, i am choosing to see cooking for my husband as an opportunity to serve the Lord and show Eric Christ's love through an act that he is incredibly appreciative of.  whoever originally said "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach" was absolutely right.

i will be blogging about this process, although i have plans to show myself grace if i don't blog every day.  i also want to make this fun and still be able to use this as a creative outlet, so along with meals, i still plan to feature fashion, crafting, the pups and other things i love.

You, my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.  Galatians 5:13

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Philippians 2:3

scarf: H&M; earrings: honeymoon resort gift shop; flower hair clip: me

i was completely oblivious to the snow for the better part of the day.  i went to breakfast with one of the Young Life girls this morning, and then we headed to the high school to watch some more Young Life girls in their dance invitational.

ummm...hmmm...words.  yes, um, WOW.  those girls are so incredibly talented.  i think i felt a small fraction of what parental pride must feel like.  i showed up with my SLR in tow and ended up taking, literally, hundreds of pictures.  it was senior day, so things got a bit emotional for me.  i've really only gotten to know these girls well this year, but they have such a large piece of my heart.  i was so incredibly proud to not only watch them perform amazingly, but also to hear their bios read that only confirmed what incredible young women they are.  their hearts are as beautiful as their movement and i've been blessed to experience both.  i will be so sad to see them go, but am so excited to see them continue to grow and see how they impact this world of ours.  and you can bet they will...

Psalm 149:3  Let us praise Him with the dance

to say this weekend was a busy one would be a massive understatement.  friday ran into saturday, saturday ran into today, and now i'm left feeling a bit weary.

i went home for the weekend without the hubs, and for good reason.  friday night was spent with two out of the three of my best friends from high school.  my friend hope was leaving for nicaragua yesterday morning and i desperately needed to see her one more time before she left for four months.  i have to say, this was my absolute favorite part of the weekend.  it's amazing to me that although we don't see each other very often, and we don't really talk much outside of our reunions, we settle into such comfortable conversation.  we painted our nails, reminisced and caught up into the wee hours of the morning, and it was wonderful.

saturday was spent olive-gardening (bet you didn't know that was a verb) with my ma and the older of my two brothers.  we filled up on unlimited soup and salad and carbo-loaded on breadsticks to gear up for some shopping, and some animal-visiting at the humane shelter.  then i made them they happily volunteered to join in on the SOS action.

normally, i'm not all about kitties, but this one looked identical to an awesome cat we used to have.  seriously eerie.

then, in the evening, i met up with two of my college roommates.  it was paige's birthday and we ate mexican and went to see a sketch comedy show at shadowbox cabaret with a couple other friends of hers.  fun was had, but i was starting to feel a little ragged from all of the running around, so i took off halfway through the show to make it home to my pjams.

oh haiiiii birthday girl

getting out of bed this morning was, in one word, rough.  but up it was, to finish up my young life small group lesson and then head to my friend crystal's baby shower.  she is the third of my three high school best friends, the lone soldier that was unable to join us on friday night.  and who can blame her?  girlfriend has had a little bun cooking in the oven for about 8 months now and we didn't hang until 11pm.  she looked beautiful and the party was uber cute.  unfortunately, a) i forgot to take a pic of the gift i made for baby noble (which i was quite proud of, btw), and b) i had to cut out before it really even started to get back to fort wayne to lead small group.

loved it.

whew!  did you catch all of that?  at the end of the weekend, i'm a bit frustrated.  i hate that, although i got to spend a bit of time with everyone, i didn't really get to give all of myself to anyone.  time was given, but when there's so much focus on just surviving the weekend's demands, how much quality can really be expected from that time?  and where was my sabbath day?  bear with me this week, guys.  there's about a 72% chance that posts will be getting shorter and grumpier as the week goes on.

i apologize in advance, you know, just in case.  do you get really grumpy if you don't have a day of rest, or do you thrive on the go, go, go?

the tree came down today, and the last of the presents found a proper home.

christmas lists have been traded in for new year's resolutions.

today is a time for reflection, and tomorrow is a time for new beginning.

there is something absolutely magical about this day, and my day truly summed up my 2010 experience.  i started it off with breakfast in bed.  the hubs made me eggs, toast and coffee (swoon).  the love that i have experienced from him this year has been more than i could have ever hoped for from someone.  wedding events and honeymooning were wonderful to us in 2009, but 2010 was the year that really solidified this whole marriage thing for us.  we finally met some days that tested us, which was a new experience as everything prior to that had been roses.  but you know what?  we still haven't had a real fight.  i think that speaks volumes of our communication and willingness to swallow our pride.  but even more than that, i think it speaks so highly of the ways that God works when you allow him to take the reigns.

today was also mind-boggling crazy.  there was a huge to-do list and not everything ended up getting checked off.  i have felt so often this year that i just fill and fill my time.  i started my first full-time job at the end of last year, so this is still fairly new to me.  on top of that, i have begun to go deeper with my leadership in young life, spending more time with girls outside of our weekly club meetings, and also taking on a small group on sunday nights.  i trained for three races this year, and as if all of this wasn't enough, got a new puppy and started a blog.  somehow it all just works, although nothing seems to ever get crossed off the to-do list, at least as far as my house is concerned.

2010 has really been a year of discovering myself.  i have explored my passions, my heart and my faith.  i have been tested in ways that i would have never imagined were possible and discovered both creativity and strength that i never knew i had.  heading into 2011, the sky is the limit.  my new year's resolution for 2010?  to run at least a half marathon.  what i accomplished?  two half marathons and a full marathon in which i raised $2900 for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.  take that, 2010.

watch out 2011, because i'm about to blow your mind.  especially with these three in my life.  as long as i've got their love, nothing can hold me back:

this morning was a young life type of morning in all of its glory.  i say this morning, but what i really mean is while the rest of you were in your warm, cozy beds dreaming away.  before going any farther, i think it needs to be said that i feel old.  i have not pulled an all-nighter since college, and now i know why.  i am wrecked today.  my body hates me.

another lame self-attempt

for the first time ever (mainly because i'm new to blogging), i'm linking up to mandy's steppin' out saturday.  i've been reading her blog for a while and she is one reason that i have decided to start blogging.  it's so amazing to see other women channeling their creativity and doing such fun, amazing things.  plus, little harper...seriously? i die with every new picture.  she is the most adorable little girl and definitely not helping the state of my baby fever.

yesterday i had the pleasure of heading down to indy with two of the girls that i've gotten to know through young life, but haven't had a chance to spend much one-on-one time with (yah, i'm ending this sentence with a preposition...deal).  in a nutshell, it was awesome.

when eric and i got married in august 2009, we decided to wait anywhere from three to five years to start trying for a baby.  immediately, i had some co-workers at my old job who i swear set up a pool as to how long it would take us to conceive. i know none of them had us lasting more than a year.  and then there's my mom, who will say to us that we should wait until we're ready, but will tell anyone who is willing to listen that she is ready to be a grandma now yesterday. 

well, here we are 14 months later, still standing our ground.  or, at least one of us is.  in fact, eric is clinging to that ground.  and me, well, the baby bug is taking over a bit.  not enough to say, "let's go for it," but definitely enough to make me seek out cute little pinchable baby cheeks in others' blogs and daydream about the perfect nursery (fyi, i'm already 100% set if we have a girl).  and then there's the fact that everyone and their brother sister around us is having babies.  literally...one of my best fort wayne friends, katie, had a baby on easter, not even two months after her sister had a baby on valentines day.

so, just to remind me why we're waiting so maybe i can convince myself that i won't die if we wait another two years:

• student loans...seriously, will those things ever go away??
• i want to be able to stay home when we have our first kiddo
• we've only been together (dating included) for just under 2 1/2 years.  do we really want a baby when our relationship is still a toddler?
• we already have a ton of kids.  true, it would be awkward if we pinched the cheeks of our high schoolers in young life, but they're still cute and we love them just the same.
• i love sleep.
• two puppies + baby = ??!!!?

now i just need to stop torturing myself by looking at adorable chunkers like this one:

seriously...is death by cutenss possible?  if so, i'm gone.

(credit to my amazing wedding photographer, mandy, for capturing this little punkin. seriously, she's wonderful, and not just because that picture of eric and i at the top of her blog is also hanging in her studio and her new wedding boutique.  but seriously, it doesn't hurt her case.)